Melindaing

Patterns in my life always lead to the juiciest opportunities for transformation.  Lately there’s been success and financial prosperity followed by the absence of the same, coupled with an overall experience of feeling really alone.  And I knew there was an opportunity showing up.

Standing in faith and the inquiry until Friday, the smoke and mirrors began to dissipate.  My experience as a child created a belief that asking for what I want and being seen equals being hurt.  And as I’ve begun speaking up and allowing myself to stand more in the limelight, it’s worked as long as I’ve been part of a group and have stayed just under the radar.  The further I’ve stepped out, the more difficult life has become – even more so when I decided I was going it alone. The little girl became terrified and backed away – from everything, including success and prosperity – over and over again.

Although the child wasn’t able to defend herself – as Dana reminded me, I can take care of myself these days.  And as I’ve let go this weekend, recognizing the pattern throughout my life, I’ve become present to how much energy it takes to hold back just enough.  Ease has filled the space and my experience of life has gotten smooth and juicy.

As one of my favorite sayings goes:  Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says, “Aw crap, she’s up!”  Lookout world, she’s up.