Melindaing

Patterns in my life always lead to the juiciest opportunities for transformation.  Lately there’s been success and financial prosperity followed by the absence of the same, coupled with an overall experience of feeling really alone.  And I knew there was an opportunity showing up.

Standing in faith and the inquiry until Friday, the smoke and mirrors began to dissipate.  My experience as a child created a belief that asking for what I want and being seen equals being hurt.  And as I’ve begun speaking up and allowing myself to stand more in the limelight, it’s worked as long as I’ve been part of a group and have stayed just under the radar.  The further I’ve stepped out, the more difficult life has become – even more so when I decided I was going it alone. The little girl became terrified and backed away – from everything, including success and prosperity – over and over again.

Although the child wasn’t able to defend herself – as Dana reminded me, I can take care of myself these days.  And as I’ve let go this weekend, recognizing the pattern throughout my life, I’ve become present to how much energy it takes to hold back just enough.  Ease has filled the space and my experience of life has gotten smooth and juicy.

As one of my favorite sayings goes:  Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says, “Aw crap, she’s up!”  Lookout world, she’s up.

For the past several weeks my life has been in total breakdown – floundering like a fish out of water – in the inquiry of what was up.  And last night at the completion session of a transformational weekend as a reviewer, my friend Marian shined a light on the subject for me.  “It’s the void created by the achievement of completing the leadership training – there is a vacuum waiting to be filled up.”  The internal gears whirred and spun, gently settling into place as I left the building.  Relaxing into the realization, I placed a gratitude filled call.

Upon completion of the leadership training program an energetic hole [for lack of better words] opened up in my life, waiting to be filled, creating the breakdown.

I am up and in action this morning – completely myself, engaged in life.  Thank God, Higher Power, Great Mystery, Whatever Your Terminology for friends with flashlights. <g>  Thanks Marian.  Creation continues.

All my life I have been waiting to finally be adored enough – to find the one who would be so enamored of me that the relationship would work. And as you might imagine, I’ve made more than one or two men bad and wrong along the way.

A few months ago my friend James told me that he loved himself most when he was there for another – that he was creating a relationship that included being of service. Which created an inquiry beneath the surface around the question of what really lights me up in relationship.

I found my answer in a child. The last time I spent time with my friend’s daughter Talia she told everyone she met that she loved them. I remembered how completely and utterly oblivious of being adored she was – how she loved everyone she met unconditionally – and how happy and free she was. This weekend [during a review of a transformation course, I began to see that I’ve had it bass ackwards all this time – that what really lights me up is allowing myself fully and completely to love and adore another. That it is in the giving that I most know and love myself. So I am creating the possibility of being loving adoration. Prepare to be lovingly adored the next time we meet.

So welcome to the new and improved Melindaing including Melinda’s Picks and anything else I want to share.  ~ Melinda